Funnies: Week of 11-30-03
Well I hope everyone had a great Turkey Day, and if you don't celebrate Turkey Day then...hope you had a good...day? Or something like that :P
Anyways, anyone else do some crazy shopping on black friday? There's always black friday horror stories to tell, so lets hear'em if you got'em!
Oh..speaking of Thanksgiving...Check out a new way to consume alcohol! (http://www.ananova.com/news/story/sm_841109.html?menu=news.quirkies)
Time for the funnies...so Enjoy!
[510 byte] By [
IronSerif] at [2007-11-9 16:15:33]
# 1 Re: Funnies: Week of 11-30-03
To kick off the funnies...we're gonna watch a lil bit of Triumph the Insult Comic Dog!!! That's right, he's got his own music video!
I saw it for the first time a few weeks ago up at school, and then DarkShark sent over a PM with a link to the music video!
So if you haven't seen the music video for "I Keed"...you are so missing out. But it's ok...Cause you can watch it here! (http://www.ifilm.com/filmdetail?ifilmid=2480928&refsite=6166)
BEWARE: Dogs Gone Wild are in the video!! :P
Thanks Darkshark!
# 2 Re: Funnies: Week of 11-30-03
My buddy Murf loves these (pointless? :P) flash movies/songs. But hey..whatever floats his boat :)
So if you have 30 secs or so of your life to waste (which you should) and wish to burn a few more brain cells, then view the Lobster Sticks to Magnet (http://www.guns4back2school.com/flash.php?num=3) flash. He loves this flash...lol
Don't blame me if you're going to bed singing this song...I know it's catchy and all...
:P
Ah well, I might as well throw in a cheap short flash in here as well...
10 things you'll never hear a woman say (http://www.clublaugh.com/item.php?id=255&sort=date)
At least we can dream!
# 3 Re: Funnies: Week of 11-30-03
Ok...so last week there was a demand for more games...and I gave up posting the games in favor of posting Thanksgiving Day stuff...(it's only once a year!)
So...my belated present to everyone...GAME TIME!!!
Start off kinda slow since we're all rusty at playin flash games...
So here is a game where you have to guide balls through this maze, but you can't let them fall into holes, so you have to use these things to cover the holes. Can get kinda tricky with multiple balls (get your minds outta the gutter!) so watch out...Play Flip-Flop! (http://www.ceres.dti.ne.jp/~tmat/fflap/)
Ok, warmed up? Cause now we're gonna stop playing with the balls (...) and move on to a lil action game. In this game, you have a lil guy with a gun that runs back and forth, and can jump, and shoots at helicopters! How cool is that? And you even get RPG's, which I haven't figured out how to use yet. Maybe the instructions will help out with that :P
Time to play Heli-Attack II (http://www.squarecircleco.com/heli2/) I blew up four helicopters baby...FOUR! Eat it :P
# 4 Re: Funnies: Week of 11-30-03
Here's some more stuff from my buddy Impulse29, thanks bro!
Human Resource Lingo
"COMPETITIVE SALARY"
We remain competitive by paying less than our competitors.
"JOIN OUR FAST-PACED COMPANY"
We have no time to train you.
"CASUAL WORK ATMOSPHERE"
We don't pay enough to expect that you'll dress up.
"MUST BE DEADLINE-ORIENTED"
You'll be six months behind schedule on your first day.
"SOME OVERTIME REQUIRED"
Some time each night and some time each weekend.
"DUTIES WILL VARY"
Anyone in the office can boss you around.
"MUST HAVE AN EYE FOR DETAIL"
We have no quality control.
"CAREER-MINDED"
Female Applicants must be childless (and remain that way).
"APPLY IN PERSON"
If you're old, fat or ugly you'll be told the position has been filled.
"NO PHONE CALLS PLEASE"
We've filled the job; our call for resumes is just a legal formality.
"SEEKING CANDIDATES WITH A WIDE VARIETY OF EXPERIENCE"
You'll need it to replace three people who just left.
"PROBLEM-SOLVING SKILLS A MUST"
You're walking into a company in perpetual chaos.
"REQUIRES TEAM LEADERSHIP SKILLS"
You'll have the responsibilities of a manager, without the pay or respect.
"GOOD COMMUNICATION SKILLS"
Management communicates, you listen, figure out what they want and do it.
# 5 Re: Funnies: Week of 11-30-03
I've said this before and I'll continue to say it like 100 more times before December (well probably not)...but I love those parody/spoof Mac Switch Ads. I swear one day I'm gonna make my own...maybe how I switch from different protein bars or different shoe laces or somethin :P
Anyways big props goes to Shadow221 for this one(man, everyone's contributing material this week!!!!)
Added it to my parody/spoof switch archives :)
Disclaimer: Has adult language, view at own risk
Why Mac's Suck Spoof (http://www.flogged.net/media/video/whymacssuck.wmv)
lol this is so great :) It's ok Chiara...don't cry :P
# 6 Re: Funnies: Week of 11-30-03
Well can't have the funnies without posting some really pointless stuff. But you gotta love the people who put the time and effort to do this pointless stuff...It's so great.
For example, look at that sidetalking website I posted last week where people were making fun of those n-gage users! That's hilarious! Don't remember? Here's the site again! (http://www.sidetalkin.com)
This isn't site isn't as funny as the side talkin site...but it's a site that has pictures of people eating hot dogs.I really didn't read anything on this site, but I viewed the pictures :P Watch me eat a hot dog! (http://www.watchmeeatahotdog.com/) I like my hot dogs with chili and cheese thank you very much
Hm...not sure if THIS SITE HERE (http://www.1dentist.com/atlas/at107) is pointless, or just plain gross. Anyways..it some pictures of some "hopeless teeth". man..makes me want to grabe another drink...
# 7 Re: Funnies: Week of 11-30-03
Anyways I'm done for the night. Time to go avoid homework and watch a movie or something..
And I shall leave you with...A Mug Shot of MJ ( http://www.sbsheriff.org/jpg/pio/11200301.jpg)
Goodnight everyone :)
# 8 Re: Funnies: Week of 11-30-03
a buddy of mine posted this in the funnies in another forum, enjoy :)
A woman goes into Wal-Mart to buy a rod and reel. She doesn't know which one to get, so she just grabs one and goes over to the register.
There is a Wal-Mart associate standing there with dark shades on.
She says, "Excuse me, Sir... can you tell me anything about this rod and reel?"
He says, "Ma'am, I'm blind, but if you will drop it on the counter I can tell you everything you need to know about it from the sound that it makes.
She didn't believe him but dropped it on the counter anyway.
He said, "That's a 6' graphite rod with a Zebco 202 reel and 10 lb. test line. It's a good all around rod and reel, and it cost $20.00."
She says, "It is amazing that you can tell all that just by the sound of it dropping on the counter. I think it's what I'm looking for, so I'll take it."
He walks behind the counter to the register, she bends down to get her purse and farts. At first she is embarrassed but then realizes that there
is no way he could tell it was her. Being blind, he wouldn't know that she was the only person around.
He rings up the sale and says, "That will be $25.50."
She says, "But didn't you say it was $20.00?"
He says, "Yes ma'am, the rod and reel is $20.00, the duck call is $3.00, and the catfish stink bait is $2.50. And thank you for shopping Wal-Mart."
# 9 Re: Funnies: Week of 11-30-03
Don't panic...I gotcha guys covered...
What to do when the Internet goes down! ( http://www.thetoque.com/031118/internetdown.htm)
# 10 Re: Funnies: Week of 11-30-03
ok i gotta load of stuff,
Why did the chicken cross the road?
>>
>>SAEED AL SAHAF - Iraqi Head of Information
>>The chicken did not cross the road. This is a complete
>>fabrication. We do not even have a chicken.
>>
>>GEORGE W BUSH
>>We don't care why the chicken crossed the road. We
>>just want to know if the chicken is on our side of the
>>road or not. The chicken is either for us or against
>>us. There is no middle ground.
>>
>>COLIN POWELL
>>Now to the left of the screen, you can clearly see the
>>satellite image of the chicken crossing the road.
>>
>>TONY BLAIR
>>I agree with George.
>>
>>HANS BLIX
>>We have reason to believe there is a chicken, but we
>>have not yet been allowed to have access to the other
>>side of the road.
>>
>>DR SEUSS
>>Did the chicken cross the road?
>>Did he cross it with a toad?
>>Yes, the chicken crossed the road, but why it crossed
>>I've not been told.
>>
>>MARTIN LUTHER KING, JR
>>I envision a world where all chickens will be free to
>>cross roads without having their motives called into
>>question.
>>
>>GRANDPA
>>In my day, we didn't ask why the chicken crossed the
>>road. Somebody told us the chicken crossed the road,
>>and that was good enough.
>>
>>TRICIA
>>Isn't that interesting? In a few moments, we will be
>>listening to the chicken tell, for the first time, the
>>heart-warming story of how it experienced a serious
>>case of moulting, and went on to accomplish its dream
>>of crossing the road.
>>
>>JOHN LENNON
>>Imagine all the chickens in the world crossing roads
>>together - in peace.
>>
>>ARISTOTLE
>>It is the nature of chickens to cross the road.
>>
>>KARL MARX
>>It was an historic inevitability.
>>
>>RONALD REAGAN
>>What chicken?
>>
>>SIGMUND FREUD
>>The fact that you are at all concerned that the
>>chicken crossed the road reveals your underlying
>>sexual insecurity.
>>
>>BILL GATES
>>eChicken2003 will not only cross roads, but will lay
>>eggs, file your important documents, and balance your
>>checkbook - and internet explorer is an integral part
>>of eChicken.
>>
>>ALBERT EINSTEIN
>>Did the chicken really cross the road, or did the road
>>move beneath the chicken?
>>
>>BILL CLINTON
>>What is your definition of chicken?
>>
>>THE BIBLE
>>And God came down from heaven, and he said unto the
>>chicken THOU SHALT CROSS THE ROAD. And the chicken
>>didst cross the road, and there was rejoicing.
>>
>>COLONEL SANDERS
>>Did I miss one?
>>
>>HOMER SIMPSON
>>Mmmmmmmmm . . . . c h i c k e n
# 11 Re: Funnies: Week of 11-30-03
> >>> > After every flight, pilots fill out a form called a gripe
> >>> > sheet, which conveys to the mechanics problems encountered
> >>> > with the aircraft during the flight that need repair or correction.
> >>>The
> >>>mechanics read and correct the problem, and then respond in writing on
> >>>the lower
> >>>half of the form what remedial action was taken, and the pilot reviews
> >>>the
> >>>gripe sheets before the next flight. Never let it be said that ground
> >>>crews and
> >>>engineers lack a sense of humor. Here are some actual logged
maintenance
> >>>complaints and problems as submitted by Qantas pilots and the solution
> >>>recorded by
> >>>maintenance engineers. By the way, Qantas is the only major airline
that
> >>>has
> >>>never had an accident. (P = The problem logged by the pilot.) (S = The
> >>>solution
> >>>and action taken by the engineers.)
> >>> >
> >>> > P: Left inside main tyre almost needs replacement.
> >>> > S: Almost replaced left inside main tyre.
> >>> >
> >>> > P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.
> >>> > S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.
> >>> >
> >>> > P: Something loose in cockpit.
> >>> > S: Something tightened in cockpit.
> >>> >
> >>> > P: Dead bugs on windshield.
> >>> > S: Live bugs on back-order.
> >>> >
> >>> > P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per
> >>> > minute descent.
> >>> > S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.
> >>> >
> >>> > P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
> >>> > S: Evidence removed.
> >>> >
> >>> > P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
> >>> > S: DME volume set to more believable level.
> >>> >
> >>> > P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
> >>> > S: That's what they're there for.
> >>> >
> >>> > P: IFF inoperative.
> >>> > S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.
> >>> >
> >>> > P: Suspected crack in windshield.
> >>> > S: Suspect you're right.
> >>> >
> >>> > P: Number 3 engine missing.
> >>> > S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.
> >>> >
> >>> > P: Aircraft handles funny.
> >>> > S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be serious.
> >>> >
> >>> > P: Target radar hums.
> >>> > S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.
> >>> >
> >>> > P: Mouse in cockpit.
> >>> > S: Cat installed.
> >>> >
> >>> > P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget
> >>>pounding
> >>>on something with a hammer.
> >>> > S: Took hammer away from midget.
# 12 Re: Funnies: Week of 11-30-03
> >Never under estimate the little old Lady....
> >
> >A little old lady went into the Bank of Canada one day. carrying a bag
> >of money. She insisted that she must speak with the president of the
> >Bank to open a savings account because, "It's a lot of money!"
> >
> >After much hemming and hawing, the bank staff finally ushered her into
> >the president's office (the customer is al! ways right!)
> >
> >The bank president then asked her how much she would like to deposit.
> >She replied, "$165,000!" and dumped the cash out of her bag onto his
> >desk.
> >
> >The president was of course curious as to how she came by all this
> >cash, so he asked her, "Ma'am, I'm surprised you're carrying so much
> >cash around.
> >
> >"Where did you get this money?"
> >
> >The old lady replied, "I make bets."
> >
> >The president then asked, "Bets? What kind of bets?"
> >
> >The old woman said, "Well, for example, I'll bet you $25,000 that your
> >balls are square."
> >
> >"Ha!" laughed the president, "That's a stupid bet. You can never win
> >that kind of bet!"
> >
> >The! old lady challenged, "So, would you like to take my bet?"
> >
> >"Sure," said the president, I'll bet $25,000 that my balls are not
> >square!"
> >
> >The little old lady then said, "Okay, but since there is a lot of
> >money involved, may I bring my lawyer with me tomorrow at 10:00 AM as a
> >witness?"
> >
> >"Sure!" replied the confident president.
> >
> >That night, the president got very nervous about the ! bet and spent a
> >long time in front of a mirror checking his balls, turning from side to
> >side, again and again. He thoroughly checked them out until he was sure
> >there was absolutely no way his balls were square and that he would win
> >the bet.
> >
> >The next morning, at precisely 10:00 am, the little old lady appeared
> >with her lawyer at the president's office. She introduced the lawyer to
> >the president and repeated the bet: "$25,000 says the president's balls
> >are square!"
> >
> >The president agreed with the bet again and the old lady asked him
> >to drop his pants so they could all see. The president did.
> >
> >The little old lady peered closely at his balls and then asked if she
> >could feel them.
> >
> >"Well, Okay," said the president, "$25,000 is a lot of money, so I
> >guess you should be absolutely sure."
> >
> >Just then, he noticed that the lawyer was quietly banging his head
> >against the wall. The President asked the old lady, "What the hell's the
> >matter with your lawyer?"
> >
> >She replied, "Nothing, except I bet him $100,000 that at 10:00 AM
> >today, I'd have The Bank of Canada's president's balls in my hand."
