Funnies: Week of 08-17-03

It's either late at night, or early in the morning. Either way...time to read some whacky articles :)

1st Article- So, how much would you actually pay (http://www.sky.com/skynews/article/0,,30500-12716356,00.html) to make out with Sharon Stone for less than a minute? I think she would hafta pay me ;)

2nd Article- And you think you have a filty home? Check out the living conditions of these three young girls. (http://www.thepittsburghchannel.com/news/2375624/detail.html)

3rd Article- Talk about living retro...Garbage Pail Kids are on their way back! (http://money.cnn.com/2003/07/30/news/companies/toy_story/index.htm) Although I'm more excited about the comeback of Strawberry Shortcake and My Little Pony.

4th Article- Now this has got to suck. A cockroach ruins an attempt to break the domino's record (http://www.charlotte.com/mld/charlotte/news/weird_news/6514371.htm) by knocking down 8,000 domino tiles. That roach should be tortured like there is no tomorrow...

5th Article- Talk about finding the treasure...Police find 3,000 lbs of marijuana (http://www.ajc.com/metro/content/metro/dekalb/0803/12potbust.html) in a U-Haul truck.

6th Article- It's time to celebrate with an I survived "Gigli" farewell bash! (http://story.news.yahoo.com/news?tmpl=story&cid=598&ncid=600&e=2&u=/nm/20030812/film_nm/odd_gigli_dc) I think they should destroy all traces of that movie...

7th Article- And you think Gigli is controversial, check out the

10 most controversial games. (http://www.pcgamer.com/eyewitness/eyewitness_2003-06-05.html) Why is Pokemon not on that list?

Come on, you know what comes next...GAME TIME!!
And no...you do not have to defend your castle from stick figures or lead your mice to the cheese. (I think those are quality games thank-you-very-much!)

1st Game- Thanks goes out to kra_z_fool for this addicting lil game! Use the highly advanced GPS to launch the space penguin (http://www.bigideafun.com/penguins/arcade/spaced_penguin/default.htm) back to his ship! Go back to your ship penguin!

2nd Game- Don't like leading penguins back to their ships? Then try out this baseball flash based game. (http://www.flashplayer.com/games/baseball.html) Very intense...:rolleyes:

3rd Game- I didn't even attempt to play this game tonight...it's something about finding small men (http://www.toonlist.uk2k.com/games/findsmallmen.html). I think I need another drink...lol

4th Game- Like Pong? Like bowling? Do you think of playing pong while you're bowling, or vice versa? Then try out Pongling! (http://www.playtonium.com/games/pongling/pongling.htm) Can't go wrong with this game.

5th Game- Wow, we're all about playing with penguins tonight. Try out this Penguin First Person Shooter Game. (http://ferryhalim.com/orisinal/g2/penguin.htm) Sorta feels like Unreal, eh?

My Buddy Kowz_76 usually post some eBay finds sometime during the week...I'm just gonna hafta get a lil head start on him this time ;)

Voting for Arnold? how about an auction for arnoldforgovernor.com?? (http://cgi.ebay.com/ws/eBayISAPI.dll?ViewItem&item=2746597611&category=11153)

Got extra money to spend and don't care what you buy? how about an auction for a Box of Crap. (http://cgi.ebay.com/ws/eBayISAPI.dll?ViewItem&item=2928823636&category=3200)

A man was leaving a cafe...
with his morning coffee when he noticed a most unusual funeral procession approaching the nearby cemetery.

A Black hearse was followed by a second black hearse about 50 feet behind the first. Behind the second hearse was a solitary man walking a pit bull on a leash. Behind him was a queue of 200 men walking in single file.

The man couldn't stand the curiosity. He respectfully approached the man walking the dog, "I am so sorry for your loss, and I know now is a bad time to disturb you, but I've never seen a funeral like this with so many of you walking in single file. Whose funeral is it?"

The man replied, "Well, that first hearse is for my wife."

"What happened to her?"

The man replied, "My dog attacked and killed her."

He inquired further, "Well, who is in the second hearse?"

The man answered, "My mother-in-law. She was trying to help my wife when the dog turned on her."

A poignant and thoughtful moment of silence passes between the two men.

"Can I borrow the dog?"

"Join the queue."

Dr. Schlambaugh, a senior lecturer at the Chemical
Engineering
Department,University of Oklahoma, is known for posing
questions on
final exams like: "Why do airplanes fly?"

In May a few years ago, the "Momentum, Heat and Mass
Transfer " exam
paper contained the question:

"Is Hell exothermic or endothermic? Support your answer with
proof."

Most students wrote proofs of their beliefs using Boyle's
Law or
similar. One student, however, wrote the following:

First, we must postulate that if souls exist, they must have
some mass.
If they do, then a mole of souls also must have a mass. So,
at what rate
are souls moving into hell and at what rate are souls
leaving? I think
we can safely assume that once a soul gets to Hell, it does
not leave.
Therefore, no souls are leaving.

As for souls entering Hell, let's look at the different
religions that
exist in the world today. Some religions say that if you
are not a
member of their religion, you will go to Hell. Since there
are more than
one of these religions, and people do not belong to more
than one
religion, we can project that all people and all souls go to
Hell. With
the birth and death rates what they are, we can expect the
number of
souls in Hell to increase exponentially. Now, we look at the
rate of
change in the volume of Hell. Boyle's Law states that in
order for the
temperature and pressure in Hell to stay the same, the ratio
of the mass
of the souls and volume needs to stay constant.

[Answer 1] So, if Hell is expanding at a slower rate than
the rate at
which souls enter Hell, then the temperature in Hell will
increase until
all Hell breaks loose.

[Answer 2] Of course, if Hell is expanding at a rate faster
than the
increase in souls in Hell, then the temperature and pressure
will drop
until Hell freezes over.

So which is it? If we accept the postulate (given to me by
Teresa Banyan
during freshman year) that "it'll be a cold day in Hell
before I sleep
with you", and taking into account that I still have not
succeeded in
having sexual relations with her, then [Answer 2] cannot be
correct;
..... thus, Hell is exothermic.

The student got the only A.

Last one for today :)

A woman awoke during the night to find that her husband was not in bed.
She put on her robe and went downstairs. He was sitting at the kitchen table with a cup of coffee in front of him. He appeared to be deep in thought, just staring at the wall. She saw him wipe a tear from his eye and take a sip of his coffee.

"What's the matter dear? Why are you down here at this time of night?" she asked.

"Do you remember 20 years ago when we were dating and you were only 16?" he asked.

"Yes I do." she replied.

"Do you remember when your father caught us in the back seat of my car?"

"Yes I remember."

"Do you remember your father when he shoved that shotgun in my face and said.'Either you marry my daughter or spend twenty years in jail'?"

"Yes I do", she replied.

He wiped another tear from his cheek and said, " You know I would have gotten out today."

Tired of having your parents get on the net on your rig? Well here's a flash that shows the ways to keep your parents off the net! (http://pr0n.biz/stuff/flash/Netparents.swf)

lol..this is great...

I'll try to post a lil more throughout the day too :)

Dont work too hard!

So you think your action figure collection is complete? Not untill you got the George W. Bush Elite Force Aviator ( http://www.kbtoys.com/genProduct.html/PID/2431939/ctid/17?_e=3f35d&_v=3F35D507T5AYa333DCCDB622&_ts=y) action figure!!!!