Funnies: Week of 08-10-03

Time to start off with some precious yet humorous reading material :) ANd if you must, you can print them out and take them to the bathroom with you...

1st Article- So instead of just breaking into someones house and stealing stuff, people just steal your whole house. (http://www.local6.com/news/2377564/detail.html) Makes sense to me.

2nd Article- And they never thought that functional alcoholics existed. (http://www.globeandmail.com/servlet/story/RTGAM.20030718.wleah0719/BNStory/Front/) Psh...

3rd Article- Here's an article (http://www.reuters.co.uk/newsArticle.jhtml?type=oddlyEnoughNews&storyID=3163572) about a guy who went streaking on a plane. I thought we all did this?

4th Article- And now brewers are asked to create beer for women. (http://www.reuters.com/newsArticle.jhtml?type=oddlyEnoughNews&storyID=3222726) What is this world coming to? I mean, we gave them the kitchen... ;)

5th Article- What is up with people walking around naked everywhere? (http://www.cnn.com/2003/WORLD/europe/08/07/offbeat.naked.walker.ap/index.html)

Iron? Can we play some games?
Well, who am I to say no! :)

Play your little hearts out

1st Game- Leave it up to Arcanum to find the weirdest game. I dont' even know if this game (http://www.freshsensation.com/samorost.swf) has a name, or even a point :) But basically you have to click around to make it to the next levels. Kinda interesting and weird...

2nd Game- Not feeling risky enough to play that weird game? Then why not play some good'ol Connect Four!! (http://members.optusnet.com.au/socsieng/connect4/default.htm) Can't go wrong with this game.

3rd Game- Are you in a partying mood? Think you got some skill? Well check out Cyber Mice Party! (http://www.flashplayer.com/games/cybermiceparty.html) This game is pretty cool, you have a couple objects each level, and you try to arrange them on the board so it would lead your mice to the cheese. We go from defending your castle from stick figures to leading your mice to the cheese.

4th Game- Think you got what it takes to take down Jawa's? Time to play
Jawa Shooter!! (http://www.starcarlton.com/Flash/Jawa_Shoot.htm) Don't know what a Jawa is? Shame on u!!!

The Senator
While walking down the street one day, a female senator is
tragically hit by a truck and dies. Her soul arrives in heaven
and is met by St. Peter at the entrance.

"Welcome to Heaven," says St. Peter. "Before you settle in,
it seems there is a problem. We seldom see a high official around
these parts, you see, so we're not sure what to do with you."

"No problem, just let me in," says the woman.

"Well, I'd like to, but I have orders from higher up. What
we'll do is have you spend one day in Hell and one in Heaven. Then you can
choose where to spend eternity."

"Really, I've made up my mind. I want to be in Heaven," says
the senator. "I'm sorry but we have our rules." And with that, St. Peter
escorts her to the elevator. and she goes down, down, down to Hell. The
doors open, and she finds herself in the middle of a green golf course. In the
distance is a Club and standing in front of it are all her friends and
other politicians who had worked with her. Everyone is very happy and
in evening dress.

They run to greet her, hug her, and reminisce about the good
times they had while getting rich at expense of the people. They play a
friendly game of golf and then dine on lobster and caviar. Also present is
the Devil, who really is a very friendly guy who has a good time dancing
and telling jokes.

They are having such a good time that, before she realizes
it, it is time to go. Everyone gives her a big hug and waves while the
elevator rises. The elevator goes up, up, up, and the door reopens on Heaven
where St.Peter is waiting for her.

"Now it's time to visit Heaven." So 24 hours pass with the
head of state joining a group of contented souls moving from cloud to cloud,
playing the harp and singing. They have a good time and, before she
realizes it, the 24 hours have gone by, and St. Peter returns.

"Well, then, you've spent a day in Hell and another in
Heaven. Now, choose the place where you want to spend eternity."

She reflects for a minute and then answers: "Well, I would
never have said it, I mean Heaven has been delightful, but I think I would
be better off in Hell."

So Saint Peter escorts her to the elevator, and she goes
down, down, down to Hell. Now, the doors of the elevator open,
and she is in the middle of a barren land covered with waste and garbage.
She sees all her friends, dressed in rags, picking up the trash and putting it in
black bags. And it's hot, hot, hot. Sweltering hot. Hot and miserable.
The Devil comes over to her and lays his arm on her neck.

"I don't understand," stammers the senator. "Yesterday I was
here, and there was a golf course and club, and we ate lobster and caviar
and danced and had a great time. Now all there is a wasteland full of garbage,
and my friends look miserable."

The Devil looks at her, smiles and says,"Yesterday we were campaigning. . .
. . . . Today you voted for us."

The 18 Bottles

I had eighteen bottles of whiskey in my cellar and was told by my
wife to empty the contents of each and every bottle down the sink, or
else... I said I would and proceeded with the unpleasant task. I
withdrew the cork from the first bottle and poured the contents down the
sink with the exception of one glass, which I drank. I then withdrew the
cork from the second bottle and did likewise with it, with the exception
of one glass, which I drank. I then withdrew the cork from the third
bottle and poured the whiskey down the sink which I drank. I pulled the
cork from the fourth bottle down the sink and poured the bottle down the
glass, which I drank. I pulled the bottle from the cork of the next and
drank one sink out of it, and threw the rest down the glass. I pulled the
sink out of the next glass and poured the cork down the bottle. Then I
corked the sink with the glass, bottled the drink and drank the pour.
When I had everything emptied, I steadied the house with one hand, counted
the glasses, corks, bottles, and sinks with the other, which were
twenty-nine, and as the houses came by I counted them again, and finally I
had all the houses in one bottle, which I drank. I'm not under the
affluence of incohol as some thinkle peep I am. I'm not half as thunk as
you might drink. I fool so feelish I don't know who is me, and the
drunker I stand here, the longer I get.

Q: How many internet mail list subscribers does it take
to change a light bulb?

A: 1,331:

1 to change the light bulb and to post to the mail list that the light
bulb has been changed.

14 to share similar experiences of changing light bulbs and how the light
bulb could have been changed differently.

7 to caution about the dangers of changing light bulbs.

27 to point out spelling/grammar errors in posts about changing light bulbs.

53 to flame the spell checkers

156 to write to the list administrator complaining about the light bulb
discussion and its inappropriateness to this mail list.

41 to correct spelling in the spelling/grammar flames.

109 to post that this list is not about light bulbs and to please take
this email exchange to alt.light.bulb

203 to demand that cross posting to alt.grammar, alt.spelling and
alt.punctuation about changing light bulbs be stopped.

111 to defend the posting to this list saying that we all use light bulbs
and therefore the posts **are** relevant to this mail list.

306 to debate which method of changing light bulbs is superior, where to
buy the best light bulbs, what brand of light bulbs work best for this
technique, and what brands are faulty.

27 to post URLs where one can see examples of different light bulbs

14 to post that the URLs were posted incorrectly, and to post corrected URLs.

3 to post about links they found from the URLs that are relevant to this
list which makes light bulbs relevant to this list.

33 to concatenate all posts to date, then quote them including all headers
and footers, and then add "Me Too."

12 to post to the list that they are unsubscribing because they cannot
handle the light bulb controversey.

19 to quote the "Me Too's" to say, "Me Three."

4 to suggest that posters request the light bulb FAQ.

1 to propose new alt.change.light.bulb newsgroup.

47 to say this is just what alt.physic.cold_fusion was meant for, leave
it here.

143 votes for alt.lite.bulb

nice =)