Funnies: Week of 07-27-03

It's monday...let's start off with some jokes :)

1st Joke-

There were 3 guys all going hunting: 2 smart ones and a dumb one. The first smart guy went out and came back with a huge grizzly bear. The dumb guy asked him "How did you get that huge Grizzly bear?" The smart guy said, "I followed the tracks, went in the cave and shot the bear." Then the second smart guy went out and came back with a huge black bear. The dumb guy asked him, "How did you get that huge black bear?" The smart guy said, "I followed the tracks, went in the cave, and shot the bear. So the dumb guy went out and came back all bloody and cut up. The smart guys said, "What happened to you?" The dumb guy replied, "I followed the tracks, went in the cave, and got hit by a train."

2nd Joke-

This guy wakes up one morning to find a gorilla in his tree. He looks in the phone book for a gorilla removal service until he finds one. "Is it a boy or girl Gorilla?" the service guy asks. "Boy," is the man's response. "Oh yeah, I can do it. I'll be right there," says the service guy. An hour later the service guy shows up with a stick, a Chihuahua, a shotgun, and a pair of handcuffs. He then gives the man some structions: "Now, I'm going to climb this tree and poke the gorilla with the stick until he falls. When he does, the trained Chihuahua will bite the gorilla's testicles off. The gorilla will then cross his hands to protect himself and allow you to put the handcuffs on him." The man asks, "What do I do with the shotgun?" The service guy replies, "If I fall out of the tree before the gorilla, shoot the Chihuahua."

3rd Joke-

Father Murphy walks into a pub in Donegal, and says to the first man he meets, "Do you want to go to heaven?"

The man said, "I do Father."

The priest said, "Then stand over there against the wall."

Then the priest asked the second man, "Do you want to got to heaven?"

"Certainly, Father," was the man's reply.

"Then stand over there against the wall," said the priest.

Then Father Murphy walked up to O'Toole and said, "Do you want to go to heaven?"

O'Toole said, "No, I don't Father."

The priest said, "I don't believe this. You mean to tell me that when you die you don't want to go to heaven?"

O'Toole said, "Oh, when I die, yes. I thought you were getting a group together to go right now."

No other way to end this stuff untill wonderful random and whacky stuff is posted :)

1st Random thing- You know what can make a monday even worse? Looking at an optical illusion (http://www.blogt.nl/images/juli2003/raareffect.jpg) on a monday! The Circles are moving I tell ya...stop'em!!

2nd Random thing- Need to combat mind control? Don't have a lot of money but still desire the protection? Then I bring to you...The Aluminum Foil Deflector Beanie! (http://zapatopi.net/afdb.html) Practical mind control protection for paranoids eh? I couldn't use one..can't mess up the hair...

3rd Random thing- Think monday really can't go any slower? Well if you need a timer...check out this clock block. (http://www.lares.dti.ne.jp/%7Eyugo/storage/monocrafts_ver3/29/bclock.html)

4th Random thing- Still looking for that ultimate mode of transportation? Can't afford a Segway? Then check out the Bamboo Bicycle!! (http://www.americanbamboo.org/GeneralInfoPages/BambooBicycle.html)

5th Random thing- This is for all you Yu-Gi-Oh! fans out there! Your deck is not complete untill you this Crazy Rican Card! (http://www.customduelmonsters.com/images/crazy_rican.jpg)

Time for some crazy articles...Check'em out! :)

1st Article- You can always count on something interesting to happen at Wal-Mart. Man arrested - stole computer from Wal-Mart (http://www.local6.com/news/2361741/detail.html)

2nd Article- Need some useless information? The world is full of it! Check out the 10 things we didn't need to know last week. (http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/magazine/3094259.stm) I hope this is a weekly listing :)

3rd Article- Check this out..
Alligator attacks children at Zoo. (http://www.nettavisen.no/servlets/page?section=1706&item=278384)

4th Article- Here's an article (http://www.thisisnorthscotland.co.uk/displayNode.jsp?nodeId=84092&command=displayContent&sourceNode=83929&contentPK=6528965) about a guy who treks all of Britain with a door on his back. Yeah...I walked down the steps to go to the kitchen to get a drink...that was an adventure.

5th Article- Here's somethin for all of you Simpson fans out there! Possibilities of Homer Simpson as new PM of New Zealand? (http://www.stuff.co.nz/stuff/0,2106,2581635a11,00.html)

Aren't we more enlightened now? :)

Iron,

These are great, keep them coming. It breaks up my day at work.

Cheers,

Paul

Iron, it's mid-day...can we have a sing-a-long?

Sure, who am I not to give ya a sing-a-long!

Sing-a-long of the table of elements! ( http://www.quigmans.com/elements.swf)

Enjoy!